I can't think of a good way to introduce this post. (What do you mean, I'm a writer, I should be more creative? Don't look at me like that.) So basically, here you go, with only this craptastic introductory paragraph to segue you into my topic.
(I can hear them coming for my college degree now...)
I think it's a bigger waste of time trying to talk yourself out of self-pity than it is to just let yourself wallow in it for a little while. This might not work for everyone--some people just keep wallowing. But if you're like me, you just need an hour to not feel guilty about feeling BAD, and then it's way easier (not easy, but easiER) to snap out of.
Seriously, put on the Damien Rice CD or watch Grey's Anatomy reruns for a couple hours. Wallow in the "MY LIFE SUCKS" feeling. Don't expect anything of yourself, don't feel guilty that other people have it worse than you, don't beat yourself up for being sad for a stupid (or no) reason. Don't listen to people who tell you to suck it up, find the silver lining, be happy, blah blah blah whatever.
And then later you can make lemonade or find the silver lining or squirt lemon juice into someone's eye.
I think it's pretty counterproductive to try to get over emotions we haven't actually EXPERIENCED fully.
You can spend DAYS trying to convince yourself not wallow, and end up in this awful spiral of guilt because you can't talk yourself out of feeling bad. Versus a couple hours of FML fun.
I'm not saying do this every time you stub your toe. (Though, seriously...ow.) But it's ok every so often to just be down in the dumps for no reason, or for some ridiculous reason. If you need permission from some random stranger on the internet, I'm giving it to you. But mostly I'm saying give it to yourself.
Doing your taxes definitely constitutes a good reason.
Ha, as somebody who suffers from long-term depression, this made me smile - because it's so true for me. It's actually more productive and better for me in nthe long run to just have those days where I cry and dwell and just generally feel awful instead of attempting the bootstrap method. Took a while, but I finally whettled out most of the people who always said "omg cheer up tho~".
ReplyDeleteI have TOTALLY found this an effective strategy. A lot of the time, just giving myself permission to be depressed is all I need to snap out of it. Sometimes the energy you spend fighting it saps you so much more than just wallowing for a little while and getting it over with. It's not always the best approach, of course, so it's hard to know when to wallow and when to fight, but it's a good tool to have in the arsenal.
ReplyDeleteOne time, after I did something really, really stupid, I poured myself a glass of wine, got in a hot bath, and listened to the New Moon soundtrack while I cried... for about 30 minutes. It was the most cathartic thing ever.
ReplyDeleteWe all need time to experience our feelings. As you said we can't get over things we didn't let ourselves feel. Whenever I try to bottle it up I end up feeling it for longer. Though, if it's something little that really isn't a big deal I'll flay myself with a wet noodle, tell me to get over myself and get back to work.
ReplyDeleteI always used to feel bad about feeling bad...which just made me feel even worse. I'm glad someone else understands the importance of letting yourself feel bad, just for a little while. I think we all need it every once in awhile =)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more! Sometimes I allow myself to wallow for a day, than I get totally sick of myself and pull myself up again.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from the campaign! Nice to meet you!
ReplyDeleteThat's a good way to put it. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't a good thing, but being a WRITER, we might need to write someone who feels sorry for themselves. We can't write that unless we know how they feel.
Tag, you're it! You've been tagged in a game of 11 Questions being passed around by the Platform-Building campaigners. You can pick up your questions at this link: http://writeskatedream-jmckendry.blogspot.com/2012/02/11-random-questions-go.html
I throw myself pity parties every now and then because frankly they make me feel better. And then I get over it and I'm fine. But if I don't allow it, it's like the unconfidence and depression festers, and then I'm worse.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a super sad kitty pic! But so cute!
I'm like you... If I'm having a bad day or having a tough time, I have to pout for a while otherwise I'm never going to get over it. Plus, talking to someone is very cathatic for me. It helps me wrap my mind around the crap going on. With that I can pull myself out of the woe is me moments and move forward. Yeah, I might still feel the pain of the emotions but I've released the pressure of the balloon about to burst.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that it's better to wallow and get over that than to get stuck in the death spiral of guilt and wallowing because you feel guilty. :-D
ReplyDeleteSigh and I forgot to add what I came her for. I tagged you back at my blog. :-)
Deletehttp://sylmion.blogspot.com/2012/02/ive-been-tagged.html
Hi, popping over from the campaign! I totally agree with your opinion on pity parties. As long as you don't stay in one forever, you might as well have a good wallowing. I usually spend more time and energy being upset that I'm wallowing, until I just let myself wallow and get over it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about self-pity. It makes me think of the line in the song "Empty Glass," "Don't worry, smile and dance; you just can't work life out;/Don't let down moods entrance you, just take the wine and shout."
ReplyDeleteI've also tagged you at my blog for the 11 questions game for the campaign.
Hey there! I'm finally making the rounds and getting to other campaigners' blogs.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point. When I'm really down and stuck in self-pity, I'm not really thinking reasonably. So, trying to rationalize with myself? Yeah, that doesn't work. What does work for me, is leaning on my friends. They're always there for me.